Life stages, loss and grief

When menopause does not come at the expected age and stage of life it may impact significantly on wellbeing. When a woman experiences something in her twenties and thirties that usually happens to women in their late forties and fifties it can be very upsetting. Associated illnesses, such as cancer and chemotherapy or surgery to remove ovaries, may also alter the course of one’s life. Plans, dreams and expectations have to be re-thought and that can be very challenging and distressing. Often women feel this is a real time of loss, and with it comes sadness and grief. Not only is there the loss of control, ability to plan, and loss of self-image, but often there is no one with whom to share grief. Girlfriends may not understand because they are not yet experiencing menopause, and for some, their mothers haven’t reached menopause either.

In fact it may take some time to diagnose an early menopause. Not knowing what is wrong, having no control over symptoms and not knowing what the future holds can be frightening. Some women with early menopause talk of ‘loss of womanhood’, and ‘loss of dreams’ in their twenties and thirties with 50 to 60 years left of their life to live. It is really important to identify and work through your feelings. To do this it is important to find a way to say how you’re feeling – are you frustrated, angry, sad? Talking, writing in a journal or diary, drawing and physical activity, such as walking and yoga are all good ways of getting feelings and thoughts out. It might be helpful to seek some counselling on how to deal with loss and grief if you feel you need to and are ready.

Content updated October 30, 2009