Experiencing an early menopause may take away the possibility of becoming a mother for some women. Some say ‘I wasn’t sure if I even wanted children’ or ‘I didn’t know if I wanted more children’ but that the decision has been taken away does not seem fair. A role that was longed for may not happen; naturally anyway. How this feels and the impact it has will depend on individual circumstances, support networks and coping skills. The important thing is that the issue of roles and of purpose (if the mother role is important) is addressed.

What steps can be taken to make this role a reality - maybe donor eggs or adoption are options? Seek counselling to talk about the loss of this role if you need to, and if possible, include your partner (if applicable). It can also be helpful to ask what other roles you may have in your life and list these. Sometimes we have many roles, which we overlook when we get stuck wanting to fulfil one role and can’t. Some women forget that they are also partners, daughters, sisters, friends, aunties, granddaughters, workers, neighbours, caregiver …

I decided that as soon I was diagnosed as going through an early menopause that I would investigate using donor eggs. This took some of the pressure off. Of course I would like my own genetically-born children, but if that is not to be, then I’ll be damned if I’m going to miss out on being a mother. Barbara I felt a bit lost when I realised that I could never have children, that the choice had been taken away from me. But my partner and I are working our way through it. The important thing is that we talk. My life is so full in so many other ways. Mary

Content updated May 04, 2006